"The fact is, with trauma -- you can only keep it down so long without its presenting itself somehow in your life," said Valerie Marek, executive director of Survivors of Abuse in Recovery, a nonprofit agency that offers counseling and support to those who have been abused.

"The diocese is micromanaging treatment. The way they handle it, they make survivors have to come forward and disclose to them. I've always thought they should make services available whether or not they want to talk to the church first," says Valerie Marek, executive director of Survivors of Abuse in Recovery. Special to The News Journal / T.J. Helay II.

Victims -- the ones who are becoming healthier survivors -- say so, too.

"The more you hide from it, it's just going to eat you up inside," said Al Hake, 34, of Pike Creek.

Hake said he was abused during the 1970s by a female baby sitter and an adult male when he was elementary-school age. He didn't talk about it until he was a student at Delaware Technical & Community College, where he found a counselor who was a good listener. That counselor later referred him to a psychologist.

"You have to talk to somebody," Hake said. "You have to tell them. If you can't do it with your closest friends, or if people aren't listening, you've got to find someone else."

Doug McClure told no one for more than 40 years that he had been abused by a priest in the Diocese of Wilmington. It was not until last winter, when he saw an article in The News Journal about a settlement with another victim of the same priest that he was able to tell his wife and others.

Reading the articles of clergy sexual abuse victims that have run in The News Journal's series, The Hidden Abuse, this week can prompt others to finally reach for help, psychologists said. It can also trigger emotional reactions in those who have experienced such trauma.

Psychologist Francis DiDomenicis, who has counseled sexual abuse victims, said it is important for a victim to find a therapist with experience in sexual abuse issues.

Finding right therapist is key

The Delaware Psychological Association lists 14 practitioners with such expertise on its Web site -- www.depsych.org -- which offers a search by specialty, location, gender and other indicators.

"It's fine to shop around," DiDomenicis said. "Try to get 5-10 minutes on the phone with a therapist. Ask questions, tell them a little bit about the situation.

"Rapport and trust are paramount, of course. See if there is that kind of connection."

DiDomenicis said potential clients should also consider whether they feel more comfortable talking with female or male therapists.

SOAR, which opened in 1992 and has offices in all three Delaware counties, offers support groups, therapy and a program that leads clients through graduated phases of improvement. More than 1,200 people participated from November 2004 through October, Marek said.

"We've certainly witnessed remarkable recoveries," she said. "First and foremost, it's important for clients to keep themselves safe and to learn healthy behaviors to keep themselves safe.

"They work with us a few months before we have them tell their stories at length. ... It's too risky to have them spill their guts before they have safety."

Diocese offers counseling

The Catholic Diocese of Wilmington urges victims of clergy sexual abuse to contact Beth Krieger, its victim assistance coordinator.

Diocese spokesman Bob Krebs said Krieger would not consent to an interview. He said her job is not to treat victims, but to facilitate their treatment and help them to get access to licensed professionals.

Typically, he said, Krieger will meet with the victim. An assessment of need will be performed, he said, by an outside professional of the victim's choosing. Depending on the need, psychotherapy would then begin.

Krebs said the services are free. The diocese pays for out-of-pocket expenses on a "case-by-case basis." The length of treatment also is determined case by case.

McClure said he talked to the diocese coordinator, but wasn't satisfied.

"Basically, they wanted to know what I was going to do with it," he said. "And she asked if I wanted to see the bishop. Why would I want to do that? I didn't need that."

McClure said he sees a therapist every week and enjoys the support of family and veterans in a post-traumatic stress disorder support group he leads.

No miracle cure

Marek believes the diocese should find another way to help victims of clergy sexual abuse.

"The diocese is micromanaging treatment," she said. "The way they handle it, they make survivors have to come forward and disclose to them. I've always thought they should make services available whether or not they want to talk to the church first. ... Someone who is severely damaged -- there is no way they are going to go there. The last place they are going to go is back to church."

The rate of progress varies from one person to another, but working with a skilled therapist can produce noticeable improvement within a few months, DiDomenicis said.

That doesn't mean there is a quick cure. But improvement may not be as far off as some fear.

The key is to start getting help, Hake said.

"If they're not getting it, they're not going to get any better," he said.

Contact Beth Miller at 324-2784 or bmiller@delawareonline.com.